Monday, March 29, 2010

Me, 'This Beautiful Mind'

I designed this project to tell the story of my life...i just didn't wanna make it so direct. All the good responses i've gotten leads me to explain the significance of the songs, as they all sorta serve as scenes of the movie in my mind...

The whole project deals with the woes of my love life...the good, the bad, the playful...ALL of it. So i'll break down some of the songs as they pertain to the project's underlying story..

2. Casual
Deals with the infatuation of a young woman, but a premature decision leads to my downfall. This song marks the beginning of what later becomes a depression..

5. Tisha
On here, i'm caught in between a current failing relationship and running off to start a new one with a chick named Tisha whom i've only known for a week. Confusion lies in the fact that a new broom always sweeps clean and i don't know if this new woman is 'worth the trade.'

6. A-Z
This song serves to show the humorous and playful side of things, however, vital to the next part of the story which is 'LaVerne'.

7. LaVerne
The previous song A-Z's playful notion was only the mask to what is now a very deep depression. I personally believe that when a man sleeps around with a multitude of women, it's because he's been hurt in the past and he's running from it. Just as alcohol is an alcoholic's way of escaping. This is the first time in the story where the depression is clearly visible and my vulnerability is exposed.

8. Of Mice and Men
The tale of how weed became my escape from my problems, all the while taking over me.

9. Deep Down Under
Although this song is only an instrumental, it's also vital to the story. The guitar rift beat is representative of my once sadness now developing into what is bitterness and anger. Just imagine if bitterness was an emotion that had a sound...this would be it.

10. Sold
After going from girl to girl, i can't seem to find what i'm looking for. Therefore i begin to sell myself short for the purpose of not wanting to be alone.

11. Thousand Miles Away..
If Love had a sound, it would sound like this song. This marked the point in my life where i finally met someone worthwhile, but felt as if it couldn't have worked because i felt she was literally a 'Thousand Miles Away..' In here, if you listen close, i harmonize in the background saying 'When she's callin i'll be comin, makes me wanna get away, girl you know i need your lovin but your love is a thousand miles away..'

13. On Fire
On this track, that anger returns with the guitar melody once again. A woman sings 'Every time he comes around i feel like i'm on fire, when he looks into my eyes and sees down to my soul..' This represents a woman i've met who totally submits herself emotionally to me, leaving room for her to be taken advantage of...leading to the next song 'Insecure'.

14. Insecure
This is where the woman is taken advantage the tables have turned from the beginning. Now it is the WOMAN who is at her mother's house asking for guidance, rather than the opposite, shown on the track 'Tisha'.

15. twttrcrsh
The story takes an unusual turn i become a user of Twitter, i meet a young woman there and for the first time in the story, things begin to look up for me..

17. Her Masquerade
This is the continuation of twttrcrsh as it seems i begin on an incline...the girl whom i had a thing for, i finally physically meet in person..

18. Very Very Clear
My conscience becomes very clear here, as i am reminded of the past. The song's dark tone is meant to take you back to a dark place in my mind that i've tried to repress. Thoughts about the women that i've previously Loved begin to surface.

19. Three's Company
The story of the three women that have played a significant role in where my mind is...the women that i've loved. I come to grips with the truth about those women and decide to actually speak about them openly and truthfully.

20. Outro
This is the happy ending of the story so to speak. I wanted to record vocals to it, but i feel as though that happy ending has not yet completely surfaced. It's beautiful though...the mystery of not knowing. The mystery of me walking out of my house at this very second and potentially meeting 'that woman.' The tone of this song is pure beauty, and the absence of words represents that mystery. There is no story to tell because i have yet to live the future. Life is looking up due to the fact that i've confronted my past, accepted it, and can now move on..

This Beautiful Mind...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Today was perfect.

Good for the Soul

Me and my brother went to the massage parlor today (i know, right?). IMMA START GOIN TWICE A WEEK. Today was my first time goin and man....lemme tell you...i left out that bitch feelin like a new soul. Fifteen dollars for a half hour massage...well worth it.

Venus Vs. Mars

In relationships, many women often times find themselves receiving the short end of the stick. They end up as the victims of the proverbial emotional monster that chews them up and spits them out. But for every problem, lies a solution. Walk with me..

See....women and men are two very different species. Let me explain.

Male - The Hunter
The male is a hunter by nature, and it's been this way since the beginning of recorded history. Mother nature has equipped us with an intuition that is based around principles of logic. We intuitively feel the need to be the chasers in relationships, which is why in the classic model situation of a man and woman meeting, it is the man, more often than not, that is the one to introduce himself rather than the opposite. We are even physically built as gatherers, for we have larger frames, rougher skin, and physically stronger than our counterparts. We're often viewed by women as assholes, cold-hearted, and just plain stupid. However, that is hardly the case. Since we are guided by logic, it limits our ability to understand the emotion-driven female.

Female - The Nurturer
The female is a nurturer by nature. Mother nature has equipped them with an intuition that is based around the principles of emotion. They intuitively feel the need to openly express their feelings, physically and emotionally, as it is a part of their abilities to nurture. They cry at the end of movies, tend to feel less hesitated to hug and kiss, and are even physically built to be care-takers. For example, they have the ability to breast feed, as well as natural incubation of the embryo for the 9 month period after conception. They are often viewed by men as bitches, crazy, and over-dramatic. However, that is hardly the case. Since they are guided by emotion, it limits their ability to understand the logic-driven male.

Ok, so now that THAT'S out the way, let's talk about women and men as we relate to one another. Since women have no problem with OPENLY expressing feelings, they tend to do so when dealing with a man in the infatuation stage of them two getting to know each other. Many women wonder why it may be so difficult to read us men in that exact same stage. But it is not that those feelings aren't reciprocated, it's just that we don't express ourselves in the same manner. Many females become so attached in this infatuation stage, that they begin to feel as if they NEED their male counterparts in order to maintain balance and stability within their own lives. This in fact creates INSTABILITY in the two's relationship. Once a man sees that the woman NEEDS him, he either A. Withdraws from that situation, or B. Exploits and takes advantage of those feelings, which is wrong.

Because men are the natural hunters, we crave the chase, whether consciously or subconsciously. However, once the woman projects clear and obvious signs of neediness, the man, in a way, feels as if the chase is over, and therefore feels the need to either move on, or control the situation he's in. The woman who is conscious of this concept KNOWS to refrain from completely wearing her heart on her sleeve, and therefore lures the man into chasing her, rather than her inversely chasing him. This is the way the man prefers things, and he is then forced into a position where he is WILLING to project feelings of affection, which many men find to be a brand new concept. And now, that MAN begins to fall in...dare i Women are the natural dictators of relationships, although they may not realize it. The STRONG man has a desire to be wanted, not NEEDED. Once he sees that he is needed, he then can control the relationship, which is an unhealthy approach.

This same concept can be seen throughout all animal nature. Looking at dogs, the female dog often attacks the male dog to show him her dominance. This doesn't mean that the female dog is not attrcted to the male. It's actually a sign of attraction, and keeps the male longing for more. Humans actually do the same thing, we just don't realize it. When a little girl is attracted to a little boy, how does she react? She, many times, hits him or is mean or aggressive towards him. It's simple animal nature. Realize it, and understand it.

The most attractive thing about a woman to me is when she wants but doesn't need me. Female independence is one of the sexiest characteristics a woman can possess. Women, leave room in our minds to play around and wonder. This is the key to us longing for more. Trust...

Realize Beautiful

The Quest..

Monday, March 1, 2010

Song of the Day: Gotan Project 'Last Tengo in Paris'

As humans, we are slaves to the restrictions of time and the laws of physics..

You don't have it as bad as you think..

Terrence's Tip of the Day

STOP BEIN SO FUCKIN NEEDY! Ok but seriously, never appear as if you need something from a person. Whether it be their time, love or money. The minute you appear as one in need, that leaves room for the person to mistreat/disrespect you. Neediness automatically places you below that person so to speak, and allows that person to deal with you however they want to. You surrender your power in a way..

The Fear That Consumes Us..

This is an excerpt from an AIM convo i was just having:

Me: The reason i'm not scared of aging is because i KNOW it's coming...same with death. That's like being scared that it's gonna rain when you look up and see a sky fulla grey clouds. The things i fear in life are the unknown...the things that pop up outta snakes.


Coming of Age

The thing you have to understand about music is that it runs in cycles. Big Band and Swing died. Soul is gone...So are The Blues. What makes people think that Hip-Hop is immune from the Reaper? I mean, Hip-Hop today is still Hip-Hop, but its branched off. The problem is that people are confusing Hip-Hop with Street Hop. THAT'S the culture everybody misses. The Illmatic kinda sound...that sound isn't gonna come back. That was Street Hop. Just like i said that Big Band and Swing was gone...Big Band was a subgenre of Jazz, but that doesn't mean Jazz is dead. Soul is a subgenre of R&B and that doesn't mean R&B is dead. I get so mad when people say that Southern rap isn't Hip-Hop. THAT SOUNDS STUPID! IT'S ALL HIP-HOP! That statement is equivalent to saying something like 'That's not a's an Accord.' Under the Hip-Hop umbrella lies Street Hop (Ghostface Killah), Rap (Lil Wayne), Hip-Pop (Kid Cudi), etc. When Hip-Hop evolved from Curtis Blow to Biggie Smalls, the Curtis Blow era was pissed.

You can't really be mad that Hip-Hop has evolved the way it has. Because for the kids growin up hearing the stuff that's out now, you have to realize that these are their golden years of listening to music. Our golden years were the '90's. Just like our parents say 'Back in my day, our music was MUCH better than the crap you guys listen to..'. It'll always be like that. The older generations will never understand the upcoming era. Thats the way its always been. We have to realize that we're aging...The music industry is no longer trying to appeal to us. They're trying to appeal to the 14, 15, 16, 17 year olds. This is our first coming of age and it feels a bit odd to us. First is anger about our culture being gone. Then comes sadness (when we hear an old song that we once loved and think 'Man....'. Then we reach the point of acceptance...where music won't mean as much to us because we realize that we have lives to lead outside of the Hip-Hop culture. We'll begin to raise families, pay taxes, and this culture will be just a mere memory from the good 'ol days. This is our first Coming of Age.

Just because somebody isn't a proclaimed 'hater' doesn't mean they wanna see you happy. Let that sink in..

The Afterlife

If we're lucky, we'll live for about 80 years...and that's considered a petty long life. Have you ever really thought about death and the afterlife? If the afterlife is eternal, then the reflection of life on Earth must only seem like a split second. I mean, 80 years vs. an ETERNITY. Go figure...But what exactly do you think the afterlife is? Me personally, i have my own personal belief. When we lie down at night and we sleep, we enter another state of consciousness....the dream state. When our bodies are sleep, we are in a state of temporary death in a way. Ofcourse our souls are still existent, and that is what i believe travels to the dream our dreams we can do anything! We can be in one place and then all of a sudden, we're in a totally different space. In an instant. If thats the state of consciousness we're in during a slumber, it only makes sense that we return to that 'dream' state indefinitely upon our death...since death is the eternal resting of the physical body...i don't know...its 1am and im just up thinkin..